Curious & Curiouser Podcast, Episode 91: People Pleasing, Setting Boundaries, & Why You Are Allowed to Change Your Mind

people pleasing

Today’s episode is all about boundaries. What ARE boundaries? What does setting boundaries actually look like? Tracey and I explore these questions and more in this wide-ranging conversation. We talk about why knowing what you want is the first step in setting boundaries, people pleasing and martyrdom, why having boundaries will make other people uncomfortable (especially if they have poor boundaries), and how to help your kids establish boundaries by modeling healthy behavior.

Other topics discussed include:

  • How boundaries are simple in theory but challenging in practice
  • Is it okay if your partner only goes to counseling because you want them to?
  • How people pleasing leads to resentment
  • Starting to set boundaries after many years in the same relationship
  • Family Systems Theory
  • Why you get to change your mind at any time
  • You’re responsible for setting boundaries and for not taking advantage of others
  • Why you have to know yourself in order to set boundaries
  • Different types of boundaries
  • Why people who don’t have healthy boundaries won’t like yours
  • Boundaries and social decluttering
  • Modeling healthy boundaries for your children
  • Understanding boundaries intellectually vs. actually living with boundaries
  • What does it mean if we’re afraid to have boundaries?
  • Why you shouldn’t force your kids to hug people?
  • How to learn to listen to your intuition in order to know what you want
  • Basic human rights and signs of weak boundaries
  • Do you have to trust the other person at the beginning of a relationship?
  • And more!

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Episode 90 about Tidying Up

Boundaries by Adelyn Birch

Episode 23 and episode 29 on social decluttering

Running on Empty by Jonice Webb

Hell Yeah or No by Derek Sivers

Fuck Yes or No by Mark Manson

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Russian Doll on Netflix.

Remember, if you have any topics or questions you’d like us to address in a future episode, comment here or email us at our joint email account: We’d love to hear from you!

Finally, one more request for you to please head over to iTunes and leave us a 5-star rating and/or review if you’re enjoying the podcast. Please note that you have to search for Curious & Curiouser in iTunes in order to leave a review — even if you’re already subscribed. Thanks so much for the support and for taking this annoying extra step to rate us. We really appreciate it!