Curious & Curiouser Podcast, Episode 10: Relationships & Attachment

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This week on the podcast, Tracey and I are talking about attachment — a topic about which Tracey is an expert and something she works on regularly in her work with clients.

Specifically, we’re asking the question:  How does being curious about your own attachment style enhance your relationships?

(Spoiler alert:  It helps SO MUCH. Seriously.)

Tracey starts off this episode by giving a brief history of attachment theory, breaking down the three main attachment styles that play out in adult relationships. Tracey and I talk about our own attachment styles and about how doing the work to shift our less desirable patterns has been essential to creating healthy, happy intimate partnerships in our own lives. We also offer some tips about how to begin this process in your own life.

If you’re a person in a relationship — or a person interested in one day being in a relationship — this episode is for you. You don’t want to miss this discussion. So much useful information here! Specific highlights include:

  • John Bowlby and Attachment Theory
  • The three stages of attachment, ages 0-3 yrs.
  • Defining secure attachment, anxious attachment, and avoidant attachment styles in adults
  • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
  • What secure attachment looks like in a relationship
  • What are Tracey and my default attachment styles?
  • Yes, you can move from anxious or avoidant towards secure
  • Is it possible for siblings growing up in the same family to end up with different attachment styles?
  • Can you shift your own attachment pattern on your own or do you need to do this work in relationship with another person?
  • Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find by Harville Hendrix
  • What purpose do the anxious and avoidant styles serve if they aren’t conducive to sustainable relationships?
  • What happens in a relationship if one person is anxious and one person is avoidant
  • Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
  • The three options available to you in any relationship
  • What is the process of changing your attachment style really like?
  • How I realized I needed to start looking at my attachment style and doing the work to change it
  • And more!

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